Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce was an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist. He wrote the short story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" and compiled a satirical lexicon, The Devil's Dictionary. His vehemence as a critic, his motto "Nothing matters", and the sardonic view of human nature that informed his work, all earned him the nickname "Bitter Bierce"... (wikipedia)
Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial; but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth.
Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.