Samuel Langhorne Clemens, better known by his pen name Mark Twain, was an American author and humorist. He wrote The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and its sequel, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, the latter often called "The Great American Novel"... (wikipedia)
The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.
Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.